Do you recognise yourself in this?

○ You either get totally blocked, have to walk away, or you blow up around the people you love

○ You never learned to deal with your anger in your childhood and feel helpless once it takes over

○ You feel that anger is a 'negative' emotion and that you need to be more patient or compassionate

○ Maybe you even feel ashamed about your own anger, because you struggle to rise above it

○ You are frustrated and want to develop some skills to deal with anger more effectively

Now imagine if ...

... you could simply connect with your feelings of anger (frustration, irritation, annoyance, outrage) and let them be. Precisely in those moments when you want to stuff your partner, child, mother in law, whoever... right back where they came from! What if you could be angry with your loved ones without resorting to shaming, guilting or manipulating?

We know, it is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you are caught up in such an intense emotion as anger. And you've probably already experienced how destructive it can be when anger is taken out on someone. Still, it doesn't help to repress or ignore your frustrations in the long run. So wouldn't it be great if you could learn to express your true feelings while still being responsible? Maybe even set an example for your child(ren) and your loved ones of how to handle difficult emotions?

In The Beauty of Anger you will gain insight into your personal patterns and reactivity around anger. Also, we will offer practical tools to deeply connect with your anger and, more importantly, to turn it around. With these skills you can create the inner space to ask for what you need without using force, guilt, shame, punishment or rewards. Meaning you become a living example of how to deal with anger respecfully. And you will have to do a lot less unstuffing as well!

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Linda van der Zanden Tilburg
Many thanks for today's workshop! I was able to use what I learned right away and it was great. My daughter got angry, but this time I could receive it with a completely different energy and approach, there was connection between us almost instantly. Things did not escalate and we actually ended up having a very nice conversation. I feel hopeful now that I can keep this up, with enough self-connection orcourse!

Wait, who is this 'we'?

The Beauty of Anger is facilitated by trainers Astara and Jort Bijleveld. We work and live together from a shared intention to play, learn, laugh, cry and enjoy life together. In our relationship we stand for radial honest sharing of our deepest thoughts and feelings, which means we are constantly working to accept ourselves and each other, and to be open to anything that life throws at us. Not always easy though, because we each have our triggers and reactive patterns, so you can imagine we also get quite angry with one another at times.

Astara is a trauma-sensitive parenting coach, anger expert, trainer and mediator. She has trained hundreds of parents and educators in the skills and mindset to remain peaceful in their daily life with children without resorting to punishment and rewards, manipulation, or using, fear, shame and guilt to get their needs met. Essential in her own journey to create more equality, trust and cooperation in her own family life, was embracing her anger instead of wanting to repress, manage or transform it. Nowadays, people are often amazed at how much space she has to welcome the angry feelings of her children.

Jort is a relationship coach and couples mediator. He likes working with couples, where is spark is in supporting partners to connect, with themselves and each other. Sometimes confronting, but always with care and compassion, he works with what presents itself in the moment. In previous relationships, his big heart and empathy would result in him giving up to much of himself. Out of fear of anger and confrontation, he would choose to stifle himself and please or fawn. Now, he is practicing daily to stay true to himself by not hiding or running, without breaking contact. More and more he is now standing up for himself while still managing to remain in loving connection.

We are both International Certified Trainers with the Center of Nonviolent Communication and members of the Dutch Nonviolent Communication Circle.

Central Register for Short Vocational Education

Accredited by the Dutch central register for short vocational education (CRKBO)

Center for Nonviolent Communication

Internationally certified trainers with the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC)

Nonviolent Communication Circle

Members of the trade association for Dutch speaking NVC trainers (GC Kring)

What we will cover

Self-empathy

When we get vexxed by what somebody says or does, it's often very tempting to blame the other or even ourselves. This way we can unwittingly end up in an anger spiral, to which we then react by denying, repressing, downplaying, projecting or taking it out on someone. But blocking off from your feelings is stressful and unhealthy. Instead, you will learn how to mindfully and compassionately explore what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing. How to first stay with your own inner world, without abandoning yourself and without judging yourself for your angry feelings. We will create a safe setting in which you can explore what lies beneath your anger. Which universal needs are essential for you? And which beliefs are preventing you from getting these needs met?

Expressing Anger

Your anger is trying to protect your values and to stand for personal boundaries. It can be freeing to take care of yourself in that way. Providing ofcourse, that you can do this in a way that also cares for your connection with other people. We will look at ways to express your anger respectfully. First by exploring your own unique way of connecting with others. Do you speak out of a reaction to something happening outside or from connection with yourself? Next, you will learn how to take responsibility for your feelings; without sneaky attacks, accusations, shaming, manipulating with your feelings or ranting and ventilating. Combining these skills, you will be able to express what you are feeling and needing and ask for what you want from others.

Listening To Anger

Empathic listening makes it possible to receive anger without fleeing, counter-attack or feeling blocked. It differs from active listening in that it helps people to feel really heard and seen. And when you apply this skill, you will experience much more understanding and connection. Listening this way, you create more safety than all the old patterns of reacting are trying to do,  but which tragically end up creating more distance. Empathic listening asks that we have enough inner space and willingness to open up to the perspective of the other person. You will learn how to find that openness in yourself and other techniques, tips and tricks to help yourself stay present and grounded in those difficult moments. Skills that will work even when the other party is not willing to co-operate or too young to talk, for example.

Anouk Vaarkamp Purmerend
The Nonviolent Communication workshop on anger by Astara and Jort helped me feel what is hiding underneath my anger. I was telling myself to just get over it, by which I was actually denying myself to feel. I missed the opportunity to mourn that what I was actually wishing for. Now I can see it as a process, something I can take responsibility for so I will no longer act it out on my sons. It is so freeing having this possibility in my awareness now.

How it works

In The Beauty of Anger you will explore several topics and find tools and skills to handle anger differently. You will learn:

○ The purpose of anger
○ What anger points to
○ How to connect to yourself, stay grounded
○ To look at anger more compassionately
○ To disarm your emotional triggers
○ How to receive the anger of your child, partner, mother etc.
○ And much more...

We will provide you with learning materials to cover, a whole body of work from years of personal research into anger. With this, we lay the groundwork and share the theory that is the base of our approach. And as a bonus, we will give you a handy tool that you can use to keep practising your skills in your daily life, as well as a digital reader with the topics that we covered. These materials are for reference, you can go through them at your own pace. The online meetings is where most of the learning is at. During the sessions you will be immersed in a safe, non-judgmental, compassionate environment where you will quickly experience recognition and acceptance. This environment serves as a container for experience learning with easy exercises. Mind you, they may be simple, but hard to get right, so we will coach you step by step. Working with your own situation from your daily life, you are invited to practice new skills. Which will lead to:

○ Awareness of your own blocks around anger
○ Skills to deal with this differently
○ More space for the angry feelings of your loved ones
○ More mildness towards yourself, self-acceptance
○ A way to experience more inner peace
○ An introduction to Nonviolent Communication
○ And much more...

Choose the program that works for you

Frequently Asked Questions